We are much older than usual parents. Our kids are 14 and 21. Even though we are both retired, it still takes a significant amount of our time each day to raise our kids. I do not know how we would manage if both of us were working, or even if only one of us was working.
When I was a kid, my dad worked and my was stayed at home. Most of my extra curricular activities (football, baseball, cub/boy scouts) were in the neighborhood and I could walk to or ride my bike to. No need for parents to drive. In HS, my father picked me up after work from sports (football, track, tennis), and it was only 3 miles from my house. I didn't play any elite leagues or elite clinics that required traveling other cities or states from my home. I never had any private lessons for anything. Finally, I don't think my parents ever watched any of my sports games until we were in the State Championship finals.
When we first married, my spouse and I both worked. After getting transferred overseas, my spouse "retired." Upon returning, we adopted our daughter and my spouse was the stay at home parent. After three years, I retired and both of us were stay at home parents.
Raising kids today is much more involved and intense that when my parents raised me.
Here are some of my memories growing up:
- Going to school preparation. K-12 involves pre-attendance orientation and acquiring school supplies, both personal and for the entire class. When I went, I just showed up the the first day and only need to bring a pencil and composition book. For K-7, I attended a parochial school, with no lockers. We just stored our books under our homeroom desk and our coats to the group closet in the back. I didn't have a locker until public school in 8th grade.
- Extra curricular activities. As I wrote above, all my pre Junior High activities were in the neighbor hood which I could attend on my own. Although I don't know the number, the costs were low, just annual fees since I didn't take lessons. In Junior High and High School, I played sports and my dad could pick me up after work. Back then, there were no sports activity fees for students.
- Free time activities. After school and on weekends, I just went out a played in the neighborhood with friends. We played in each other's yard, the street or the nearby park. On weeknights, we'd be out from getting off school until dinner time. On weekends, we were out all day, maybe coming home for lunch, and definitely coming home for dinner.
- Meals. My mom cooked homemade meals at home. We ate family style what was cooked breakfast and dinner. Lunches were either packed for school or bought at the HS cafeteria. TV dinners were a special treat. Eating out at McDonald's was a more special treat.
- Transportation. Until HS, my parents only owned one car, which my dad used to commute to work. For groceries and other shopping, we all went together in the evening or on weekends.
- College expenses - My parents paid for the first year. I had a guaranteed student loan for $1500 the second year and $3000 for my junior and senior year. I also put all of my summer job earnings toward paying for school senior year.
Here is my experience raising kids today:
- Going to school preparation. Our daughter need to sign a rental contract off campus 9 months in advance. There is a 2 week gap between moving out and moving in. She was fortunate, since she renewed, there was no gap, even though she need to change apartments. Still took a full day with a pickup up truck and 5 cars to move her and 2 roommates. Our son needed to attend school orientation. My spouse needed to buy numerous individual and group supplies and download various apps to manage communication with the school.
- Extra curricular activities. Both are kids were involved in various sports and music. Music stuck with my daughter. Tennis stuck with my son. Nowadays, students pay an activity fee for each sport. Also, both involved additional lessons and limited travel, which can be high expenses and significant time. For example, we shuttle our son from school to tennis every weekday and wait for him to finish, which takes 3.5 hours of our time. In addition, there are overnight trips and even international trips for school.
- Free time activities. Lots of electronic activities and video game players. Much higher cost than playing in the neighborhood.
- Meals. My spouse does a lot of healthy home cooking from scratch, which require significant preparation time and effort. We rarely eat out, maybe a couple times a month maximum.
- Transportation. My first new car cost 40% of my starting salary. My new truck 23 years later cost less than 10% of my salary. Originally, we had two cars. We added a third when my MIL went to independent living. That worked well since our daughter was driving two years later, which lowered time parents needed to transport. We have lent her one car for her last two years of college since she is now living off campus.
- College expenses. We are committing to completely covering undergraduate (and graduate, if needed) college expenses for both kids. We started contributing to 529 plans the year we adopted. That has worked out well.
What's the difference?
- Going to school preparation. Meals. Higher grocery costs since we go organic, which wasn't available when I was a kid.
- Extra curricular activities. More and much higher cost for kids activities. Lessons and additional training for sports, which adds significantly more costs.
- Free time activities. Video game consoles and smart phone videos.
- Meals. Our main higher cost is fresh, organic food. For many other, it's eating out several times a week.
- Transportation. Cars now cost more than many people's starting salary. More cars that require maintenance. My parents had one car when I was young. We have three, one of which is used by our adult daughter.
- College expenses. $25,000 to $100,000 per year versus $2,000-$10,000 per year.
- More maintenance time, effort and costs due to shorter appliance life. I don't remember ever replacing anything in my childhood home in 35 years. Nowadays, it seems appliances (water heater, furnace, dishwasher etc) need replacement about every 10 years.
- Renovation or upgrades. I don't recall my parents ever upgrading their kitchens nor bathrooms in the 35 years they owned the house.
My nephew who is single claims he life (school, employment, buying a house) is much harder than it was for me. I can't wait to hear what he says when he is married and has kids.
As a retired parent, I don't know how parents raised kids while still working, especially when both parents are working.
For more on
Crossing Generations, check back every Thursday for a new segment.
This is not financial advice. Please consult a professional advisor.
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